HAHA so I emailed someone and clearly wrote my name as "Carrie Boyle" at the end of it. But for whatever reason, she started her e-mail in reply with "Dear Carol,". WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?? haha sorry this is random but it made me think of a lot of you guys. hope you're all doing well :)

i know this has been said about 2 million times on LJ, but just to reiterate: I MISS ALL OF YOU TERRIBLY. honestly, this is ridiculous.

in the meantime, please join me in wishing/hoping/praying/whatever floats your boat that my family doesn't make me go to freaking IDAHO for thanksgiving..

i dont know why i always get the most random urges to post on this. but this weekend was pretty cool.. it was homecoming/parent's weekend so my mom came for the weekend. i took her to midnight singing, which is when we sing the cal fight songs at midnight (duh) before home football games. my mom knew ALL THE WORDS to the cal drinking song. and was singing it with me and a group of people that i usually sing the song with while we're all drunk. it was kinda weird at first but i don't think i've ever been prouder of her lol.

but seeing her kinda brought back all these memories of home. and i know i've actually BEEN home twice already, but for some reason seeing her up here was really weird feeling. and i dunno why but i was suddenly flooded with all these memories of home and high school and everything. "muzzle of bees" by wilco just came on in itunes, which is the song that i listened to on my way to morning practices for water polo. all of a sudden i was remembering climbing out of bed at 5:45, putting on a sweatshirt, turning on my ipod to that song and then slowly walking to the pool, where our amazing water polo team was slowly getting ready to go outside and freeze in our bathing suits. it's weird because i have no desire to play polo here at cal, but i'd go back to playing with SP in a second.

i didn't think i would miss high school. i was pretty ready to go by second semester. even first. but it sucks because, even though i do have friends here, i've realized that it'll take a very long time for them to ever come close to what i have in South Pas. lol i don't really know where this post was going. but i miss you guys and i want thanksgiving to be here nowww.

I really don't know why this entertains me so much.

shoot. 3 more weeks.

I really don't know how to describe Yosemite. 

I remember Ronnie making an LJ post a year ago that said, "Something happened up there." And I remember a moment when I thought, "yeah, I feel it happening too."

I felt it happening the moment we got on the bus, when Noah ran up in his pajamas saying he was sorry he couldn't come, but he brought the group toothpaste he was assigned to bring anyway.

I felt it happening when I looked around the bus and thought we're all going to come back to South Pas as a completely changed group of people. And we did.

I felt it happening when Deborah and Chris came into our cabin by opening the screen, which was most likely broken by a bear. And even though Deborah tickled me and stole my pillow and tried to unzip my sleeping bag and make me fall out of the cabin/tent/whatever those things were, I tried my best not to scream so as not to wake up the 3 girls that I would be spending the next 4 days of my life with.

I felt it when our amazing guides Joe and Sarajo (Sarah-Joe?) told us that we would really only need one pair of pants and one T-shirt. For 4 days. Without deodorant or showers.

I felt it happening when Casseiopea (I have no idea how to spell that, sorry guys) left the bus hugging us all goodbye.  And when us Bootes came back on the bus days later  and couldn't stop laughing together, just like we had been for the entire 4 days we were out there.

I felt it when Joe showed us the map and told us how we would "stay found" on the trail. And the moment we got on trail, when Ariel laughed because she could only see my backpack and we realized that we all looked like a whole bunch of floating backpacks with legs walking underneath them. 

I felt it when we hiked through ugly, burned down forest, only to set up camp with the most amazing view of Half Dome and the surrounding mountains. I felt it when we hiked 7 miles uphill the next day; when we saw our first pile of snow but I was too exhausted to join in the snowball fight; when Ariel and I chose to set up camp in an absolutely stunning place with a kitchen on top of a half-frozen Buena Vista Lake.

I felt it happening when I looked out on that lake and experienced, for the first time ever, being left breathless at the sight before me.  And when I turned around, Joe looked at me and said, "This is your life. This moment is really happening. You must have done something really good to get yourself here." And I was speechless. Breathless and speechless.

I felt it when we woke up at 5:00 with Ariel's beanie on Emma's head and Emma's beanie on the ground. When we ate a breakfast of granola bars and began our Buena Vista peak ascent. When we looked over the cliff and saw the most gorgeous sunrise I've ever seen. When we struggled up the ridiculously steep cliff, over rocks covered with ice and snow. When we reached the top of the peak and realized why it was all worth it. When we sprawled out on a rock overlooking the enormously steep cliff and all I could say was wow.  When we wrote letters to ourselves on that peak, the forests and lakes and snow and earth surrounding and enveloping and inspiring us. When we did something as a group that I will never forget.

I felt it happening on the way down from that peak, with each person kicking their heels into the footprints in the snow to make sure that the person behind them would have a footstep to follow. Because if one person slipped a little bit, they really would have slid all the way down the cliff.

I felt it when, as we walked 7 more miles after that peak ascent, our trail turned into a creek but Matt continued to lead us as we were forced to go off trail. And sure enough he found our way back to the trail, where we stopped to eat a well-deserved lunch during which Sarajo surprised us with the best-tasting Snickers I've ever had. I felt it when I dropped a piece of cracker on the bug-infested marshland we were eating in, but I picked it up and ate it anyway because I wanted to Leave No Trace. 

I felt it when I woke up in the middle of the night, looked around at all my snoring Bootes, and realized that I still had one more day to spend with these amazing people.

I felt it when Sarajo woke us up in the best way I've ever been woken up.. with a song written by her about us. And I felt it when, during closing that day, we all sang along to that very same song. When we all shared our own "have you ever's", and Charlie Ou said "Have you ever had explosive diarrhea" with the most amazingly serious face. And we all cracked up.

I felt it when we did our appreciation circle, and I started crying but I had no idea why. Well actually I found out later that there was a reason why I was so emotional, which was when I realized that "mind over matter" really does work. (haha only a select number of girls will understand what I meant by that)

I felt it when we all started laughing at dinner because we were having Fritos with taco toppings, after joking all day about how Connor smelled like tacos.

I felt it when 59 of us sat around campfire and listened as our peers and teachers completely opened themselves up. When I was once again left speechless because I was absorbing every ounce and minute and breath of it.

I felt it when Leslie said to the driver as the bus was turning onto Fremont that it wasn't too late to turn back. 

I felt it when we actually followed through with moving the tables closer together. When at lunch today, I had a conversation with a whole bunch of people about how hard it is to be back here. I felt it when Ian came up to me and had a conversation with me, which I know never would have happened before. When, while Emma and I were holding hands during the car crash scene, we nearly cried because we had become so close to Connor and we had just seen him taken away in an ambulance, leaving behind the girl he loves.

I felt it when I couldn't really think about anything else today. When I dreamt about being in Yosemite and woke up to Mrs. Harrington talking about a proverb poster. When I laughed at all the times people asked me what I ate up there because I knew that, if they were concerned about what we ate, they had no idea what really happened .

I feel it as I'm writing this, because I know there's so much more to say but this post is already about a mile long.

I stll feel it. And I hope that feeling never goes away.

mood: drained

So I decided to make a new livejournal, because what's school without something like a livejournal to distract you from EVERYTHING homework-related? And I got sick of my old one but I needed something to do with the TONS of pictures I have from summer. 

Just a warning: read this when you have time, or in doses.. it's pretty long.

But here's an

mood: satisfied